You've Got to Be Kidding
by Thelastrosepetal023
Summary: She didn't believe him the first time, or the second time, or any other time he's said it. So why should she believe him now? Lisbon struggles to find the truth behind Jane's words, while Jane struggles to prove them to her.
1. In Too Deep

_This is just the start of what I hope is a longer fic. _

_Right now it's just restating some Jisbon moments and I added one of my own to make it a little different. _

_This will be in Lisbon's POV of things! I'm thinking this will be a bit angsty._

_**Also:**_I_ don't own any of the characters, obviously. (Though I wish I did!) _

**_I hope you all enjoy and please review! I love any constructive criticism or feedback!_**

* * *

It wasn't the fact that he had pointed a gun at her that shocked her. It was what he said. It was those words that meant so much, yet so little at the same time.

_"Good luck, Teresa. Love you." _

He hadn't shot her. He had snuck her out and put her in his own hideaway. Jane had explained what he had to do. He had to pretend to kill her to trick Red John. That was fine, but she was too curious. (And maybe a bit hopeful.)

"So, that thing you said..before you shot me? What did you mean" She asked. Her voice was soft and slightly shy.

"What did I say? I was kind of..hyped up." He responded innocently. Damn him.

She knew it he didn't mean it. She _knew_ it.

* * *

There was the time before that. When they had posed as a couple for that case, the one with the diamonds. She hadn't felt it then; only fell speechless. Jane called her pet names, and she had hated it at the time. Now her heart ached and yearned for a fond word from his mouth, and she despised it. She hated she was falling into a trap, that he was accidentally leading her on and she was going to crash and burn. It wasn't those pet names she thought about most, though. It was the last thing he said.

"_I love you."_

He had said those treasured words, but not for the purpose she wanted. He did it for an alternate reason once again, he did it because it was necessary or he was teasing her, and it made her ears pound with fury.

* * *

The third time it happened was not any better. It was sentimental and uncalled for, but it was something friends did for each other, right? She had made sure he wasn't alone on the day his wife and child died; she had made sure he'd have a challenging case.

"Lisbon. Thank you." He smiled sadly at her, and it tugged at a twisted knot somewhere in her heart. She wanted to mend him, and take away all his hurt. She wanted to be able to send her love and her sympathy, but that wasn't possible. He needed time to mourn, and it would be stupid of her to tell him how she felt on the day his wife and child were killed. She gave him a hopeful smile in return, and watched him walk to his car alone. His grief was never ending, and she found herself wanting to find Red John and let Jane have his revenge, to have him squeeze the life out of Red John for putting him in so much pain. Hell, even she wanted to do it for him. There was nothing more she wanted to see than what whole, happy, and carefree Jane looked like.

The day following that one, she found a beige envelope on her desk. Lisbon quickly ripped it open and grinned at the origami frog inside. In Jane's scribbled script, it read: "Unfold." She carefully unfolded the creases of the neat frog and spotted more of his scribbled writing.

_Lisbon,_

_Thank you for yesterday._

_Love,_

_Jane _

_P.S. It was amusing to see you try to be patient with me._

Lisbon shook her head with an amused smile, tucking the note into one of her desk drawers. There was that word again. Love. This had to stop, before she interpreted this into something he didn't actually mean.

* * *

The beach was testing her limits. He had pulled the strings of her heart like his own puppet show.

"You have no idea what you've meant to me. What you mean to me."

Lisbon had tried to convince him out of saying it now. They were going somewhere important, she didn't want to start something in the middle of the Red John chase. If he was going to say those words she was dying to hear, she didn't want to hear it now.

He had pulled her close, in an intimate hug that wouldn't have been considered for "Just friends." He could probably feel her pounding heart and her melting into his arms, with just one touch. Why was he the one to unwind her?

Her face twisted into a funny smile but it was only a tidbit of what she felt inside. Her insides felt like they were on fire, and her heart was racing.

"I'll be right back. I have a surprise for you." The way he said it was a bit off from his ordinary tone and Lisbon should've noticed. Instead she was so caught up in _feelings_ she didn't. It was too late when she heard the start of an engine and a car speeding away from her.

"Jane!" She shouted. Lisbon desperately patted her pockets to look for her phone. He had pickpocketed her when they hugged, hadn't he? Again, he did it for a necessary reason. Jane was in danger, and she was stranded and completely heart-broken. How could he use her like this? Why did he have to be so stupid and reckless and clever at the same time? He wanted to protect her, but it was _her _job to protect _him. _

She swallowed, steeled her emotions and forced herself to focus on getting to Jane. He needed her whether he would admit it or not. She would walk all night if she had to.

So Lisbon began her journey in the direction Jane had left. The sky was darkening and the only thing to keep her company was her thoughts.

It was cold and she was tired and completely wrecked emotionally, but she would find him. She always would.

* * *

When Lisbon saw someone with a car, she acted irrationally. She took his car, and his phone and despairingly called Jane and whatever help was in the area.  
"You're throwing your life away if you do this." He clearly didn't listen to her, and she prayed harder than she ever had. She would do anything to get there on time.

_"Bye Lisbon."_

The car drove at break-neck speed, and she still hadn't made it in time. When she stepped out of the car and began running, a huge explosion erupted from the building. Her eyes filled with tears as she watched in horror. Acid tears she wouldn't let fall. Not when she was losing precious seconds to help Jane. Bright lights flashed all around her and there was only one name on her lips.

_Jane. _

Lisbon grabbed her flashlight and told the nearest person she was going in.

"Jane?" Her voice quivered. He couldn't be dead. There was so much she wanted to say. She should've protected him. She should have known what he was up to.

She found him lying on the floor, covered in black soot and debris. She yelled for a medic, and he was carried out. He was alive.

Lisbon spent the rest of the night and part of the morning in the hospital waiting room.

She'd never admit that her puffy eyes were from crying.


	2. The Truth Is I Miss You

_A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter!_

_Last month I made a Jane and Lisbon playlist if anyone wants to check it out. It's called "Someone To Save You" and it's on 8tracks._

_ Anyway, t__his is sort of an intense chapter, and again, emotional Lisbon. I promise this will get happier!_

_I know this isn't the way they reunite, but I wrote it before I saw the episode and I wanted to take a more dramatic route of them reuniting. :)_

_**Warning: **Spoilers for season 6 ahead!_

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own any of the characters or any part of The Mentalist.

_If you have any constructive criticism or feedback I'd love to hear it!_

_Happy reading! _

* * *

By the time Jane caught Red John, she was so done. She was ready to kill him; she was going to slap him for worrying the hell out of her. She had given him her car, her gun, her heart; what else did he need to take from her? She kept her reminding herself Jane wasn't the bad guy, and that she wasn't supposed to be so attached to him. She was just doing her job by helping him. She just couldn't bring herself to believe it. All those times they had laughed, all those times they had flirted and bantered. All those times they had saved each other.

They didn't count for anything. He was gone again. He was leaving her stranded and heart-broken, and all she got was a single message. The message was one of the few things she had left of him.

"It's over. It's done. I just want you to know that I'm okay and I'm going to miss you."

Lisbon was glad she was home, because she was sure she could hear her heart shattering into a thousand pieces, crashing to the floor, so it could never be mended again. She never knew it was so fragile.

The tears in her eyes began to build and she hugged her knees to her chest. "No, no, no. God no." She mumbled. What has she succumbed to? Her happiness relying on another person? Her sanity relying on an insane one?

She swiped angrily at her eyes and stood up, determined not to cry over him. She'd turn on the TV; maybe eat some ice cream or something. Lisbon refused to be upset over the fact Jane had swept her off her feet, had taken almost everything she gave him, and dropped her.

No. Because everything he gave her was worth it, right?

She smiled when she thought the frogs he had made her. Or the times he would bring her in a bear claw for breakfast when things got too crazy. Or the times she had pretended he loved her.

She picked herself off the couch and started towards the kitchen. Instead of ice cream, she reached for the bottle of wine. She knew she shouldn't, but Jane wasn't there to stop her, so who the hell cared?

She drank glass after glass, until her mind was foggy and she was drifting off into sleep. The drink remained in Lisbon's hand, and she didn't wake until it shattered on the floor, the wine pooling around the clear shards.

* * *

Lisbon stopped locking her front door. There was nothing that she could lose that hadn't already been robbed from her.

She was a bit more reckless these days, a little less afraid of death. Her days at work were only getting worse. Rigsby and Van Pelt had left the CBI, and some unfamiliar and stiff agents had taken their place. They were polite, but they worked to work, not to talk. They were professional and stiff, and stayed secluded. Lisbon merely assigned the team (If she could even call it a team) a case and they would do it. It was dull and she could feel her sanity slipping a little more everyday. She needed a miracle. A miracle called Patrick Jane.

* * *

On a clear sunny day, (One so beautiful Jane would have commented on it. But he wasn't there. He wouldn't ever be there.) Cho stopped her as she was walking towards her office. He was the only one who seemed to remember Jane. It had been _ages._

'You miss him, don't you?" He asked. It was a standard question, but it was the first time in _months_ anyone had inquired about her feelings. There was no point in denying it. Anyone who wasn't an idiot could see it plainly written on her face.

"Yeah." She said softly. "Any news from him?" Cho's face remained expressionless, but she knew he cared somewhere deep inside.

"No. He'll be back, Boss. He always comes back." He nodded. His words were comforting, but all that popped in her mind were the multitude of times he had left her. She smiled, but it looked more like a grimace.

"Thanks."

* * *

A beige envelope and small package was left on her desk. It contained another frog letter and a seashell.

_Dear Lisbon,_

_I hope you've been well. I've been thinking of you. Every day I remember how much you've helped me over the years. I know I thanked you on the beach, but I suppose it didn't really count since I tricked you afterwards. I really am sorry about that. If there were any other way, I would have done something different. _

_Anyway, here's a shell that made me think of you. Maybe I could take you here someday. If you aren't too angry with me, you can write back to the return address. I'll be back soon._

_Love, _

_Jane_

Lisbon's hands clutched tightly at the folded paper. As soon as she got to word "Love", she ripped it into shreds. No regrets, no wishing she had read it a second time. She was done with Jane. She would not let him woo her so many miles away. His words meant nothing to her now, and he could do nothing to change her mind about it. She slipped the envelope with his address into the garbage, but kept the shell.

It was a reminder how she'd never let herself fall that deep in love again.

* * *

A year passed and she sunk deeper into survival mode. She had dropped ten pounds, and the dark circles under her eyes were constant. Lisbon's thoughts had stopped grieving, however. She made herself believe things were getting bearable, and these new team members were great at their work. She made herself believe that that was what work was actually about, and it wasn't meant for flirting or laughing or having fun. Work to solce cases, make money, and leave.

* * *

The day he came back was one of the worst days of her life. (Or one of the best if she was being honest.)

"Lisbon!" He greeted cheerily. The nerve of him to act like nothing happened. To act like he hadn't used her like a piece of trash and thrown her away.

"Jane." She greeted. The dull ache in her heart was not something she welcomed.

The emotion bubbled up into her throat, threatening to choke her. Her nose prickled, and forbidden tears sprung to her eyes. It was too late to turn away, he had already seen how much it hurt. He had cast her aside without a second thought. She had been so alone.

"Teresa.." He breathed. Jane reached out to comfort her, any kind of touch, but she backed away. A pained expression fell on his face. "I'm so sorry."

Lisbon took a gulp of air and forced herself not to break down. Not in her office. "Jane. You can't-" She stopped and swallowed. How was it that she wanted him to stay so badly? After all this time. He can't what? He was back, he could do whatever he wanted. She wasn't in charge of him anymore. "You can't be here." She crossed her arms to grip her own shoulders for support.

Jane stayed silent, and once again reached out to her, squeezing a shoulder. That was what she was afraid of. One touch and she would be an emotional pool in his arms. Lisbon couldn't force her body to move away, no matter how many times she commanded her brain to do so.

Lisbon's chin quivered and unconsciously she sunk into the hand on her shoulder. she felt burning tears slip down her cheeks. _Please, not now._

"It's okay, Lisbon. Let it out. It's going to be okay. We're going to be just fine." He soothed. His sturdy arms wrapped around her shoulders and brought her into his chest. The warmth flooded through her like fire.

Her posture sagged and she let her weight fall into his arms. Lisbon buried her face in the crook of his neck. God, he smelled good. He smelled of love, of comfort, of home.

But he left her. He abandoned her for two years and he couldn't even begin to know how dreadfully lonesome she was.

Her shoulders shook with small sobs she couldn't contain. She never cried in front of anyone, so why was she losing it all now?

His warm hands stroked her back as if smoothing the wrinkles in her shirt would smooth the wrinkles of their relationship. It would take much more than warm hands to iron them out.

_Control yourself. You're okay. You're still in control._ Lisbon stifled her sobs, taking deep shuddering breaths. The crying quieted quickly, but tears still stained her cheeks. She slowly lifted up her face and staggered to her office chair.

"Lisbon. I didn't realize you'd be so affected. I would have-" She cut him off.

"Would have come back earlier? What difference would that have made?" Lisbon demanded. He stayed silent. "You've put me through hell, Jane. Do you know that? You've brought me to hell and left me there."

She wanted to kill him. She wanted to kiss him. She didn't even know what she wanted anymore.

"Do you have any idea how many times I've helped you? How many things I've done to save your ass? I didn't do it because it was my job, if that's what you're thinking. I did it because I-" She stopped, her lips curling in a sneer. She wouldn't say it. She would _never_ say it.

His eyes softened in understanding. He should most especially understand how painful it was to live in solitude. With no one.

"Lisbon, I came back to sort things out. This is my home; I wasn't just going to walk away from it. I wasn't going to walk away from you. I always planned to come back. I was hoping we could-" The flinty glare he got in return stopped him mid-sentence.

Jane nodded slowly, finally getting the message. He swallowed. "I just wanted you to be the first to know I was back. I..I'll go now, I guess." Soft and slow footsteps backed away from her.

"No. Wait." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Lisbon never wanted him to leave her sight again. She never wanted him to abandon her again. It was dark without him. It was _miserable _without him. "Jane, I-" Her voice broke and she glanced at the seashell on her desk. Her reminder.

"Forget it. Just go." She shooed him out and shut the door.


End file.
